Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
