Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
