Someone shit on the floor
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
