I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
being pregnant is like rehab
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
