I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
