i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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