you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
