drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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