spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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