My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
