well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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