Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
