doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
