i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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