I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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