Tell her she can't have a vagina
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
