how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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