Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
