We got so high we made milksteak
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
