The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
