Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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