I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
