and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
