Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
