there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
