Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
