Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
