You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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