ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
