the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
