ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
