So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
