Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you inspire me to be a worse person
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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