no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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