the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
