First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
