My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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