Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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