this just has baby written all over it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
