....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
