I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
