Im at strip club and am horny
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
