Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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