When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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