Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
