I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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