genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This is my gift to your gina
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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