I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
