He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
