I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
